DOES UR DOG BITE?

Does your dog bite?
A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?""No."A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg."I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" the man says indignantly."That's not my dog."

Female hormones in beer

Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.

A man takes the ferry home from work

John Smith lived in Staten Island, New York and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferryboat home every night. One evening, he got down to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, so John decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was feeling no pain.When he got back to the ferry slip, the ferryboat was just eight feet from the dock. Smith, afraid of missing this one and being late for dinner, took a running leap and landed right on the deck of the boat."How did you like that jump, buddy?" said a proud John to a deck hand."It was great," said the sailor. "But why didn't you wait? We were just pulling in!"

They are stopped by the police

John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, "I'm very sorry officer, I didn't realize it was out, I'll get it fixed right away."Just then Jessica said, "I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed." So the officer asked for John's license and after looking at it said, "Sir your license has expired." And again John apologized and mentioned that he didn't realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning. Jessica said, "I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired." Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, "Jessica, shut your mouth!" pr0perty0fgl0wp0rtThe officer then leaned over toward Jessica and asked. "Does your husband always talk to you like that?"Jessica replied, "only when he's drunk."

A very depressed man

There's a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man crying.""No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife sleeping with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

I'm just trying to be helpful

A good samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the drunk "do you live here?" "Yep". "Would you like me to help you upstairs?" "Yep". When they got up on the second floor, the good person asked "Is this your floor?" "Yep".Then the good samaritan got to thinking that maybe he didn't want to face the man's irate and tired wife because she may think he was the one who got the man drunk. So, he opened the first door he came to and shoved him through it then went back downstairs. However, when he went back outside, there was another drunk. So he asked that drunk "Do you live here?" "Yep". "Would you like me to help you upstairs?" "Yep". So he did and put him in the same door with the first drunk. Then went back downstairs.Where, to his surprise, there was another drunk. So he started over to him. But before he got to him, the drunk staggered over to a policeman and cried "Please officer, protect me from this man.He's been doing nothing all night long but taking me upstairs and throwing me down the elevator shaft!"

The story of a very short man

A man walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots." Bartender says, "You want them both now or one at a time?" The guy says," Oh, I want them both now. One's for me and one's for this little guy here," and he pulls a tiny three inch man out of his pocket.The bartender asks "He can drink?" "Oh, sure. He can drink." So the bartender pours the shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up. "That's amazing" says the bartender. "What else can he do, can he walk?" The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says, "Hey, Jake. Go get that." The little guy runs down to the end of the bar and picks up the quarter. Then he runs back down and gives it to the man.The bartender is in total shock. "That's amazing" he says, "what else can he do? Does he talk?" The man says "Sure he talks, hey, Jake, tell him about that time we were in Africa and you made fun of that witch doctor's powers!"

Giving sad news to a troop

The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander." Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?" "Yes, sir," answered the Sarge. A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up." "Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward." "Not so fast, McGrath!"

Requesting a three day pass

An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer fora 3-day pass.
The CO says "Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and youalready want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for thatrecognition!"So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank!The CO was so impressed, he asked "How did you do it?""Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs.I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up,the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, "Doyou want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!"Giving very odd excusesThe General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. Onefinally ran up, panting heavily."Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a littlelate. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it brokedown, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles,and now I'm here."The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least hewas here so he let the G.I. go. Moments later, eight more G.I.s cameup to the general panting, he asked them why they were late."Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the busbut missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, boughta horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let thefirst guy go, he let them go, too. A ninth G.I. jogged up to theGeneral, panting heavily."Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the busbut missed it, I hailed a cab but..."
"Let me guess," the General interrupted, "it broke down."
"No," said the G.I., "there were so many dead horses in the road, ittook forever to get around them."

JESUS

Back whn i was a kid our teacher gave us homework. The homework was to find out who rearly jesus was so i came home frm schul n found mom in da kitchen, I ask her wh ws jesus she said i am too busy go ask ur Dady. Dady was washing his car, i asked him he said ask either ur csta or broda. I asked my sisie n she was beasy with her her she said gt out of my room n i did gt ou of her room n i also went out of the house until i found the man in the street he was so drunk he couldnt walk himself so i help him thankfully (i was still young if it now i wuld definately clean his wallet in a sec) so i decided to aks him

"wh was jesus",

" I am jesus" he replies "realy?" i ddnt blieve he was jesus.

"What u dont bliv i'm jesuswell let me prove it 2 u take me to that bar" he said.

I did take him there coz i wanted proof whn we get in the barman said

"JESUS, IT YOU GAIN"

from then i knew he was jesus I started respecting him from that day even after finding out that he wasnt jesus i never stoped respecting him

COW N MAN

One night a rural man decided to pass urine outside,
There were thirsty cows nearby. As he urinated, this cow approached
and slowly sucked him.
So he said: Nkomo suka lapha! Then his tone changed as he Climaxed.
with abated breath and trembling voice he muttered:
" Nkoms..............!
Nkomisto.............!
Nkomzaaa.............!
Nkomlolo.............!
Nkomziro.............!
nkomaristo...........!
Nkomzozilalaaaaaaaa..!
Laaaaaaaaaaa.........!
Moooooooooo..........!
Kodwa Nkomo uyangthanda or Uyang user

EMBARASMENT

One day she met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.Some months later, on her birthday, her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the countryside she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way, she passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than she could stand. With miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home, so she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, she made sure that she released ALL the gas.Upon her arrival, her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight!"He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the dinner table. she took a seat and just as he was about to remove her blindfold, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and wentto answer the call.The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. she took her napkin from her lap and fanned the air around her vigorously.Then, shifting to the other cheek, she ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage!!!Keeping her ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another few minutes.The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she quickly fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with herself.her face must have been the picture of innocence when her husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked her if she had peeked through the blindfold, and she assured him she had not.At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!" her boss, colligues and friends were there.she fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PIX

GO 2 SCHOOL HIGH

PIX

HERE CUMZ DOZ CRAZY PICS

idiot

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?" "My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000." "Gee, that's tough," he replied. "Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000." "Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed." "And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000." "Three close family members lost in three months? How sad." "Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"

ARRIVINF DRUNK @ HOME

Arriving home very drunkA man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: "Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home."The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times. They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man. He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man.The drunk's wife greets them at the door: "Why thank you for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheel chair?"

hi

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music.While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money."Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!" "Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."

Things that are ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk

Things that are ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk... a) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.b) Nope, no more booze for me.c) Sorry, but you're not really my type.d) No kebab for me, thank you.e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?f) I'm not interested in fighting you.g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.h) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no co-ordination. I'd hate to look like a fool.i) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street.j) I must be going home now as I have work in the morning

DRUNKEN IDIOT 3

Late at night, a drunk was on his knees beneath a street-light, evidently looking for something. A passer-by, being a good Samaritan, offered to help. "What is it you have lost?" he asked. "My watch," replied the drunk. "It fell off when I tripped over the pavement." The passer-by joined in the search but after a quarter of an hour, there was still no sign of the watch. "Where exactly did you trip?" asked the passer-by."About half a block up the street," replied the drunk. "Then why are you looking for your watch here if you lost it half a block up the street?" The drunk said: "Because the light's a lot better here."

DRUNKEN IDIOT 2

A guy walks into a bar and approaches the barman, "Can I have a pint of Less, please?""I'm sorry sir," the barman replies, looking slightly puzzled, "I've not come across that one before. Is it a spirit?""I've no idea," replies the guy, "The thing is, I went to see my doctor last week and he told me that I should drink less."

LYK FATHER LYK SON

father and son are fishing in a boat and thefather reaches over to a cooler and pulls out abeer and starts drinking it. The son says, "Dad,can I have one?" And the father says, "Well, canyour dick reach around your leg and touch your asshole?" The son says, "Umm, no." So later on the father reaches over and pulls out a cigaretteand starts smoking it. The son says, "Dad, can Ihave one of those?" the father replies, "Can yourdick reach around your leg and touch your asshole?" The son says, "No." The father says,"Well too bad."
Later on they're driving down the road and they stop at a gas station. The father goes in and buys one hundred lotto tickets and gives his sonone. The father scratches off all ninety-nine ofthem and he's a loser! His son scratches off hisand he won ten million dollars! The father says,"Ok son, give me the ticket." the son replies, "Well, can your dick reach around your leg and touch your asshole?" The father says, "Yeah!" The son says, "Then Go Fuck Yourself! This MoneyIs Mine!!!”

GENIE IS HERE MAKE UR WISH B4 IT 2 LATE

Three men found a bottle and rubbed it. A genie popped out and told them that he would grant themone wish each. The first man wished for a million dollars. He got it. The second man wished for a beautiful wife wholoved him unconditionally. Suddenly, a beautifulwoman appeared and they fell in love. The third man wished for his dick to be so long that it would touch the ground. So the genie cut his legs off.

GENIE IS HERE MAKE UR WISH B4 IT 2 LATE

Three men found a bottle and rubbed it. A genie popped out and told them that he would grant themone wish each. The first man wished for a million dollars. He got it. The second man wished for a beautiful wife wholoved him unconditionally. Suddenly, a beautifulwoman appeared and they fell in love. The third man wished for his dick to be so long that it would touch the ground. So the genie cut his legs off.

intrerestng

UMONA

There was a guy who just got out of a really baddivorce with his wife.
One day, he found a genie's lamp.
The genie came out and said, "Hellomaster.
I will grant you three wishes but, whatever you wish for your wife gets double.
" The guy didn't like that part but he made a wishanyway.
For his first wish, he said, "Genie, I want a house in Hawaii."
POOF!!! He got one house, his wife got two.
This didn't make him happy but, he made his second wish.
"Genie,I want2 billion dollars.
" POOF! He got two billion, hiswife four billion.
By now, this guy isn't very happy.
The genie says, "You have one wish left. Ihave to remind you, what ever you wish for your wife gets double.
" The guy says, "Yeah,yeah. I know."
So the guy thinks real hard and says "I got it!Genie, beat me half to death!!"

OVERLOAD

LET SAY U R A TRAFIC COP WHT WULD U DO IF U COME ACROSS SITUATION LIKE THIS

DRUNKEN IDIOT

A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband's key in the door. "Stay where you are," she said. "He's so drunk he won't even notice you're in bed with me."

Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed none the wiser, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed. He turned to his wife: "Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What's going on?"

"Nonsense," said the wife. "You're so drunk you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there."

The husband climbed out of bed and counted. "One, two, three, four. You're right, you know."

I LOVE SA

A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a differenthell for each country. He decides he'll pick the least painful to spend his eternity. He goes to German Hell and asks, "What do they do here?"He is told first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Thenthey lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day". The man does not likethe sound of that at all so he moves on. He checks out the USA Hell aswell as the Russian Hell and many more. He discovers that they are all similar to the German hell. Then he comes to the South African Hell and finds that there is a longline of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they dohere?" He is told: first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. The South Africandevil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day. "But that isexactly the same as all the other hells.. Why are there so many people waiting to get in?" he asks. "Because Eskom is struggling and ispowerless, there is never any electricity, so the electric chair doesnot work. The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable to sleep on. And, on top of that, the South African devil isa government employee, he wont come to work till he gets his 12%increase, which of cause will never happen!

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

Commerce professor asks the student: what is the most important source of finance for starting business?
Student: "Father in law".


Do u know similarity between Dinosaurs and Decent Girls?
Both don't exist.


Dad : Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son : Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.

THE WEDDING TEST

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else. One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.' I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car to fetch my condoms .
Lord... and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.' And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car. not in the pocket coz if it was on my pockect i would have lost love of my life.

LIL JOHNNIE

Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby.Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home.Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely. When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnnie. Johnnie said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?""Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.""That's great", said Little Johnnie,"coz he'd be f*cked if he needed glasses".Hello beautiful people. I hope yo'll gud. Thanx for yo prayerz the last time. u guyz are the best. Dont forget to invite yo frndz to join the group.**** PEACE.****

OLD LADY

A mature (over 50) lady gets pulled over for speeding...Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?Officer : Ma'am, you were speeding.Older Woman: Oh, I see.Officer : Can I see your license please?Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.Officer : Don't have one?Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.Officer : I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Older Woman: I can't do that.Officer : Why not? Older Woman: I stole this car.Officer : Stole it?Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.Officer : You what? Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to seeThe Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!The woman steps out of her vehicle.Older woman: Is there a problem sir?Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.The officer is quite stunned.Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

METRO OFFICER

Gauteng Metro policeman pulled Sipho's car over and told him thatbecause he had been wearing his seat belt he had just won R5 000, in anArrive Alivesafety competition.Sipho could hardly believe his luck.
'What are you going to do with your cash?' asked the traffic cop.'Well I guess I'm going to get a drivers licence,' Sipho answered.'Oh, don't listen to him,' yelled Dipuo in the passenger seat.'He tries to be smart when he's drunk.'This woke up Phineas in the back seat who took one look at the cop andmoaned, 'I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car.'At that moment there was a knock from the boot and Precious shouts ,'Are we over the border yet?'The cop fainted

NEVA LET A BRAINO PRAY

A Bunch of Rich white's were on a huge pleasure boat about to go down(drown)So they start looking at each other to find someone who could pray for them, but none of them was suitable. So finally they see the coloured cleaner and asks him to pray for them.He pray's: Lord when I wanted to cross the bridge at the station, it said:"Whites only"When I wanted to sit on the chair, it said: White's only"When I wanted to go to the toilet it said" Whites only"When I tried to enter the front door of the post office itsaid:" Whites only" So Lord as this boat goes down, remember : "Whites only"Amen

LEARN BY NUMBERS

A mother taught her son to go to toilet by numbers:
1. open your fly
2. take out tackle
3. pull back the skin
4. do the business
5. shake it
6. pull the skin forward
7. put tackle away
8. close fly
She often checked on him and heard 12345678 and was pleased with his progress till one day passing the bathroom she heard 3 6 3 6 3 6 3 6 3 -3 - 3 ....!

BECAREFUL 1

One night a guy takes his girlfriend home As they are about to kiss each other goodnight at the front door, theguy starts feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leanswith his hand against the wall and smiling, he says to her, "Honey,would you give me a blw job?" Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? Myparents will see us!" "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" Heasks grinning at her. "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?""Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!" "No way. It'sjust too risky!" "Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?""No, no,and no. I love you too, but I just can't!" "Oh yes you can. Please?""No, no. I just can't" "I'm begging you..." Out of the blue, the lighton the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas,hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says, "Dad says to go aheadand give him a blw job, or I can do it. Or if need be, mom says she cancome down herself and do it But for God's sake tell him to take his handoff the intercom!"

BECAREFUL

The spark had been lost in this guy's marriage, so he was trying tothink of a way to rekindle it. One night he came from work, and foundhis wife asleep in bed. He thought to himself, "what should I do?""Oh-I know." He proceeded to get under the covers and go down on hiswife. Soon she began to gently squirm and moan in pleasure. After a fewminutes, her body spasmed with ecstasy as she climaxed. Afterwards, theman went straight to the bathroom to brush his teeth. When he got there,the light was on and he saw his wife there shaving her legs. Heexclaimed, "Whatare you doing in here?!?" She said, "Shhhh!," pointingat the bed, "You'll wake your mother"

WHAT A BAD NYT

After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled outa cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to findit, he asked the girl if she had one at hand. "There might be somematches in the top drawer," she replied. He opened the drawer of thebedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of aframed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Isthis your husband?" he inquired nervously. "No, silly," she replied,snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all,"she said, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demanded thebewildered guy. Calmly, the girl replied,"That's me before the operation."

Our Saps

Wht da f**k? tax money is used to sport police vans is dis wht

Ladiez think we lv alcohol mo dan them

there is dis chick who said "wht always creeps in my mind is who r we suposed 2 get married2. d guys r engaged 2 Amstel, they r 4eve largered. n committed 2Jonny walker they keep on walking. they r nt ready 2 settle down. they trust n lav smirnoff since 1818. therez no way in ...hel we can compete with tht. if this is nt d case they hve 5 baby mamaz, cant settle 4 second best. i admire uMkabayi 4 chosin to admire hills n vallies 4rm her villge."

DOG OR A HORSE OR EVEN BOTH

WHAT ON EARTH DO WE CALL THIS/ WHO WAS FUCKING WHO HERE? IS IT A DOG FUCKING HORSE OR A HORSE FUCKING A DOG ( I BET THAT DOG IS A PROFESSIONAL PROSTITUTE COZ SHE CAN STAND A BIG ROD OF A HORSE)

Stop this

Let stop humilating our leaders with cartoon or these pictures

I LOVE YOU

LOVE YOU ALWAYZ MY ANGEL .
U GIVE ME A REASON 2 LOVE.
BABY U ARE THE BEST PART OF EVRY
THING I DO.

swine flu

in this world

helpin hand

HELPING HAND

"u scratch my back i will scratch urz"
he is gonna pay him somehow thnx to the unselfish
kid wh doznt wanna pass alone

SIMPLE RULES TO BE HAPPY

A FRIEND OF MINE SENT ME THIS EMAIL, SO I THINK IT WISER IF JUST DISPLAY IT ON SITE JUST FOR YOU TO READ IT

NO ONE CAN GO BACK AND MAKE A BRAND NEW START.
ANYONE CAN START FROM NOW AND MAKE A BRAND NEW ENDING.
GOD DIDN’T PROMISE DAYS WITHOUT PAIN, LAUGHTER WITHOUT,
SUN WITHOUT RAIN, BUT HE DID PROMISE STRENGTH FOR THE DAY.
COMFORT FOR THE TEARS, AND LIGHT FOR THE WAY.

DISAPPOINTMENT ARE LIKE ROAD HUMPS, THEY SLOW YOU
DOWN A BIT BUT YOU ENJOY THE SMOOTH AFTERWARDS.
DON’T STAY ON THE HUMPS TOO LONG. MOVE ON!
WHEN YOU FEEL DOWN BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T GET WHAT YOU WANT,JUST SIT TIGHT AND BE HAPPY,
BECAUSE GOD HAS TOUGHT OF SOMETHING BETTER TO GIVE YOU.

WHEN SOMETHING HAPPENS TO YOU GOOD OR BAD,CONSIDER WHAT IT MEANS.THERE’S PURPOSE TO LIFE’S EVENTS,TO TEACH YOU HOW TO LAUGH MORE OR NOT TO CRY HARD

YOU CAN’T MAKE SOMEONE LOVE YOU
ALL YOU CAN DO IS TO BE SOMEONE TO BE LOVED.
THE REST IS UP TO THE PERSON TO REALIZE YOUR WORTH.

IT’S BETTER TO LOSE YOUR PRIDE TO THE ONE YOU LOVE.
THAN LOSE THE ONE YOU LOVE BECAUSE OF PRIDE.
WE SPEND TO MUCH TOO MUCH TIME LOOKING FOR THE RIGHT PERSON TO LOVE OR FINDING FAULTWITH THOSE WE ALREADY LOVE,

WHEN INSTEAD WE SHOULD BE PERFECTING THE LOVE WE GIVE.
NEVER ABANDON AN OLD FRIEND.
YOU WILL NEVER FIND ONE WHO CAN TAKE HIS P LACE
FRIEND IS LIKE WINE
IT GETS BETTER AS IT GEROWS

I CAN’T CHANGE FROM WHO AM I. MAYBE I CA……….!!!