I LOVE SA

A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a differenthell for each country. He decides he'll pick the least painful to spend his eternity. He goes to German Hell and asks, "What do they do here?"He is told first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Thenthey lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day". The man does not likethe sound of that at all so he moves on. He checks out the USA Hell aswell as the Russian Hell and many more. He discovers that they are all similar to the German hell. Then he comes to the South African Hell and finds that there is a longline of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they dohere?" He is told: first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. The South Africandevil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day. "But that isexactly the same as all the other hells.. Why are there so many people waiting to get in?" he asks. "Because Eskom is struggling and ispowerless, there is never any electricity, so the electric chair doesnot work. The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable to sleep on. And, on top of that, the South African devil isa government employee, he wont come to work till he gets his 12%increase, which of cause will never happen!

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

Commerce professor asks the student: what is the most important source of finance for starting business?
Student: "Father in law".


Do u know similarity between Dinosaurs and Decent Girls?
Both don't exist.


Dad : Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son : Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.

THE WEDDING TEST

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else. One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.' I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car to fetch my condoms .
Lord... and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.' And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car. not in the pocket coz if it was on my pockect i would have lost love of my life.

LIL JOHNNIE

Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby.Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home.Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely. When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnnie. Johnnie said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?""Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.""That's great", said Little Johnnie,"coz he'd be f*cked if he needed glasses".Hello beautiful people. I hope yo'll gud. Thanx for yo prayerz the last time. u guyz are the best. Dont forget to invite yo frndz to join the group.**** PEACE.****

OLD LADY

A mature (over 50) lady gets pulled over for speeding...Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?Officer : Ma'am, you were speeding.Older Woman: Oh, I see.Officer : Can I see your license please?Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.Officer : Don't have one?Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.Officer : I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Older Woman: I can't do that.Officer : Why not? Older Woman: I stole this car.Officer : Stole it?Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.Officer : You what? Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to seeThe Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!The woman steps out of her vehicle.Older woman: Is there a problem sir?Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.The officer is quite stunned.Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

METRO OFFICER

Gauteng Metro policeman pulled Sipho's car over and told him thatbecause he had been wearing his seat belt he had just won R5 000, in anArrive Alivesafety competition.Sipho could hardly believe his luck.
'What are you going to do with your cash?' asked the traffic cop.'Well I guess I'm going to get a drivers licence,' Sipho answered.'Oh, don't listen to him,' yelled Dipuo in the passenger seat.'He tries to be smart when he's drunk.'This woke up Phineas in the back seat who took one look at the cop andmoaned, 'I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car.'At that moment there was a knock from the boot and Precious shouts ,'Are we over the border yet?'The cop fainted

NEVA LET A BRAINO PRAY

A Bunch of Rich white's were on a huge pleasure boat about to go down(drown)So they start looking at each other to find someone who could pray for them, but none of them was suitable. So finally they see the coloured cleaner and asks him to pray for them.He pray's: Lord when I wanted to cross the bridge at the station, it said:"Whites only"When I wanted to sit on the chair, it said: White's only"When I wanted to go to the toilet it said" Whites only"When I tried to enter the front door of the post office itsaid:" Whites only" So Lord as this boat goes down, remember : "Whites only"Amen

LEARN BY NUMBERS

A mother taught her son to go to toilet by numbers:
1. open your fly
2. take out tackle
3. pull back the skin
4. do the business
5. shake it
6. pull the skin forward
7. put tackle away
8. close fly
She often checked on him and heard 12345678 and was pleased with his progress till one day passing the bathroom she heard 3 6 3 6 3 6 3 6 3 -3 - 3 ....!

BECAREFUL 1

One night a guy takes his girlfriend home As they are about to kiss each other goodnight at the front door, theguy starts feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leanswith his hand against the wall and smiling, he says to her, "Honey,would you give me a blw job?" Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? Myparents will see us!" "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" Heasks grinning at her. "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?""Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!" "No way. It'sjust too risky!" "Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?""No, no,and no. I love you too, but I just can't!" "Oh yes you can. Please?""No, no. I just can't" "I'm begging you..." Out of the blue, the lighton the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas,hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says, "Dad says to go aheadand give him a blw job, or I can do it. Or if need be, mom says she cancome down herself and do it But for God's sake tell him to take his handoff the intercom!"

BECAREFUL

The spark had been lost in this guy's marriage, so he was trying tothink of a way to rekindle it. One night he came from work, and foundhis wife asleep in bed. He thought to himself, "what should I do?""Oh-I know." He proceeded to get under the covers and go down on hiswife. Soon she began to gently squirm and moan in pleasure. After a fewminutes, her body spasmed with ecstasy as she climaxed. Afterwards, theman went straight to the bathroom to brush his teeth. When he got there,the light was on and he saw his wife there shaving her legs. Heexclaimed, "Whatare you doing in here?!?" She said, "Shhhh!," pointingat the bed, "You'll wake your mother"

WHAT A BAD NYT

After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled outa cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to findit, he asked the girl if she had one at hand. "There might be somematches in the top drawer," she replied. He opened the drawer of thebedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of aframed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Isthis your husband?" he inquired nervously. "No, silly," she replied,snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all,"she said, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demanded thebewildered guy. Calmly, the girl replied,"That's me before the operation."

Our Saps

Wht da f**k? tax money is used to sport police vans is dis wht

Ladiez think we lv alcohol mo dan them

there is dis chick who said "wht always creeps in my mind is who r we suposed 2 get married2. d guys r engaged 2 Amstel, they r 4eve largered. n committed 2Jonny walker they keep on walking. they r nt ready 2 settle down. they trust n lav smirnoff since 1818. therez no way in ...hel we can compete with tht. if this is nt d case they hve 5 baby mamaz, cant settle 4 second best. i admire uMkabayi 4 chosin to admire hills n vallies 4rm her villge."

DOG OR A HORSE OR EVEN BOTH

WHAT ON EARTH DO WE CALL THIS/ WHO WAS FUCKING WHO HERE? IS IT A DOG FUCKING HORSE OR A HORSE FUCKING A DOG ( I BET THAT DOG IS A PROFESSIONAL PROSTITUTE COZ SHE CAN STAND A BIG ROD OF A HORSE)

Stop this

Let stop humilating our leaders with cartoon or these pictures

I LOVE YOU

LOVE YOU ALWAYZ MY ANGEL .
U GIVE ME A REASON 2 LOVE.
BABY U ARE THE BEST PART OF EVRY
THING I DO.