MGABABA

Robert Mugabe goes on a state visit to Israel . While he is on a tour of Jerusalem he suffers a heart attack and passes away. The undertaker tells the accompanying people, 'You can have him shipped home for US$500,000, or you can bury him here, in the Holy Land , for just US$100.' The Zimbabweans go into a corner and discuss for a minute. They come back to the undertaker and tell him they want Mugabe shipped home. The undertaker is puzzled and asks, 'Why would you spend $500,000 to ship him home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $100? With the money you save you could buy enough diesel for a year, buy enough medicines to wipe out cholera, buy enough generators to never have blackouts again.' The Zimbabweans replied, 'Long ago a man died here (JESUS) , was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. We just can't take that chance......

love month

hey guys take care of ur loved ones this month. n remeber in ndu4lyf the best z yet 2 cum

jan lafs

a husband ws tryin 2 prove 2 his yf dat wmen tok mo than men. he showed her a study whch indic8d dat men use abt 10 000 words per day whereas women use 20 000words per day. hs yf thot abt dis 4 while. she told her husband women use a twice asmany words as men bcos they hv2 repeat evrythng they say. her husband looked stunned . he said "what?"

SOLDERZ

An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer fora 3-day pass.The CO says "Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and youalready want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for thatrecognition!"So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank!The CO was so impressed, he asked "How did you do it?""Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs.I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up,the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, "Doyou want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!"Giving very odd excusesThe General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. Onefinally ran up, panting heavily."Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a littlelate. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it brokedown, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles,and now I'm here."The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least hewas here so he let the G.I. go. Moments later, eight more G.I.s cameup to the general panting, he asked them why they were late."Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the busbut missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, boughta horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let thefirst guy go, he let them go, too. A ninth G.I. jogged up to theGeneral, panting heavily."Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the busbut missed it, I hailed a cab but...""Let me guess," the General interrupted, "it broke down.""No," said the G.I., "there were so many dead horses in the road, ittook forever to get around them."

HAPPY NEW YEAR

HEY PPL HOPE U WLL HV D BEST YEAR IN 2011. ACTUALLY UM WSHIN YAL D BEST YEAR EVER

wht wuld u do whn she...

When she walks away from you very mad

Follow her to comfort herMshaye,

she's trying to blackmail you ukuthi ungayitholi ikuku!!

When she stares at your mouth

Kiss her

Ask her yini, uyang'halela ?!!

When she pushes you or hits you

Grab her and dont let go

Put on ur All Star's um'trape!! Aze axolise

When she's quiet

Ask her whats wrong

Mthuke ngo mawakhe, uthuliswe ubufebe!!

When she ignores you

Give her your attention

Hamba uyophuza, she will give YOU all the attention

When she pulls away

Pull her back

Tell her 'tsek, there's a lot of fish in the sea!!

When you see her at her worst

Tell her she's beautiful

Mtshele ayogeza or athole a rich Nigerian to sponsor her, awusiye uTito Mboweni

When you see her start crying

Just hold her and dont say a word

Tell her akasiye umntwana kamawakho, angazokutetemela!!!

When you see her walking

Sneak up and hug her waist from behind

Ask her ' ubuyela ebufebeni futhi neh??'

When she's scared

Protect her

Mbambe ngenkawuza and tell her inkinga ikuphi ? !!!!!

When she lays her head on your shoulder

Tilt her head up and kiss her

Ask her ' Usudakiwe yini futhi?'

When she steals your favorite hat

Let her keep it

Mshaye avuke esbhedlela. Sela ndini! Ufuna ukuyongithakatha!!

When she teases you

Tease her back and make her laugh

Be serious like a Zulu taxi driver and don't smile. Mtshele ayodlala nontanga bakhe!!

When she looks at you with doubt

treassure her, listen attentively

She thinks u r cheating. Start cheating coz when u do it she will never doubt u!!

When she says that she likes you

understand that she really does...more than you could understand

She wants money!!! Dump her quick! Isfebe!!

When she grabs at your hands

Hold her's and play with her fingers

Ufuna induku!! Mudle Boss!!

When she bumps into you

bump into her back and make her laugh

Udakiwe futhi!! Umalale' spotini, mshaye!!

When she tells you a secret

keep it safe and untold

Tell anyone who cares to listen, spread it bhuti!

When she looks at you in your eyes

dont look away until she does

Tell her!! 'Yini wena, ungibona nginama&*%#'

When she misses you

make means to see her

Uyanya, kanti wena uzobabona nini omakhwapheni?

When you break her heart

feel bad cos u know the pain never really goes away

She deserves it. ISfebe!!

When she says its overit's over,

wish her luck and move on

Mtshele uyanya, it's not over until u say it's over, or that you were tired of her anyways!!

12 types of wmen

. Ms. Gold-Digger Advantagesa. You have someone to manage your money. b. She always looks good.c. She makes your other boys jealous.Disadvantagesa. When you get broke she'll be gone and take what you have left.b. She makes sure she has a child by you to sue you for child support. c. Once your boy comes up she'll be on his arm the next day. 2. Ms. Freak (secret lover) Advantages a. She knows all the right positions.b. She'll try everything more than once.c. You're never unsatisfied.d. She'll do all the things your girl won't do.e. She doesn't mind being your freak, as long as she catches one too.Disadvantagesa. Eventually, because she's a female, she'll end up catching feelings.b. She starts to act like she's your "main".c. She messes with ya boy and act like you in the wrong for telling that she's a freak. d. Eventually her stuff gets old. And you need a replacement. Or she gets bored and SHE needs a replacement. 3. Ms. IndependentAdvantagesa. You don't have to worry about buying her anything. She got most of it.b. She's intelligent, sassy, confident and determined.c. She's great for conversation.d. She keeps it real and has goals.e. She knows how to please a man. Disadvantagesa. She will continuously let you know that she can handle it on her own. b. She will eventually say 'forget you' and get a dildo.c. She will consider you another one her play toys, or goals. 4. Ms. DymeAdvantages a. She's top of the line.b. She stays looking like a fantasy.c. She has the body of a goddess with the face to match.d. She considers herself a "model"e. All the girls envy her, but she doesn't care.Disadvantages a. She's superficial. She cares only about her looks.b. She honestly lacks confidence and will annoy you about the way she looks. c. She's probably dumb as hell and if she's not her personality is dry. d. You have to constantly keep your game up because every kat is gonna try to get her. 5. Ms. TomboyAdvantages a. She's cool and laid back.b. She'll be willing to play rough with you.c. Of course, she loves sports.d. Her body is athletically divine.e. She's easy to talk to and fun to be around. f. She's a diamond in the rough.Disadvantagesa. She'll remind you too much of your boy.b. She might not want to change her appearance.c. She might actually beat you in basketball, football and track. 6. Ms. GhettoAdvantages a. She's not afraid of any other female or male. She will fight to keep you.b. She's down for you. She'll be there to bail you out of jail. c. She's always stays fresh.d. She can cook up a storm. She can make the best out of a bad situation. e. She keeps it real and keeps you satisfied.Disadvantagesa. She doesn't know how to act in public.b. Your mom can't stand her.c. You get into it with her every other second.d. She's willing to fight another girl looking at you PERIOD!!!!.e. Her weave colors are distracting and her vocabulary is minimal. 7. Ms. Good GirlAdvantages a. She's always there for you.b. She's intelligent, classy, kind, sweet and cool.c. Your mother loves her.d. You can see yourself falling in love with her.e. You are her first everything.f. She makes you feel like a man.g. 8/10 you will be her first sex partner Disadvantagesa. She's an A or B situation either: A. You're not gonna get any until ya'll are married or she will make you wait A LONG TIME or at least till he feel like you really like her and not just tryin to get some.. or.... B. She said she never done it she said she never tried she's sitting there telling a lie.8. Ms. Main Advantages a. She is the one you respect.b. She probably may know about the others but might not care.c. She has all the qualities you want in a female.d. You've been with her forever-or have just met her but feel it's been forever.Disadvantagesa. She starts getting very suspicious and calls you every moment.b. She will devise a plan to catch you in your act and then kick your ass. 9. Ms. PsychoAdvantages a. She's fun and spontaneous.b. She's down to earth.c. She loves you unconditionally.d. Everything about her is too good to be true. So everyone loves her.e. She makes you feel loved.Disadvantagesa. Don't you break up with her. She will stalk your ass. b. She keeps pictures of you everywhere and knows everything about you.c. She can manipulate the hell out of you. d. She will consider herself wifey even if she may just be that chick on the side.e. Messing with her can make your life a living hell. 10. Ms. I have a Man.Advantages a. She may have a man but she'll mess with you anyway.b. She looks good.c. You have intense nights of passion with her.d. Your relationship with her is not complicatede. She appreciates you more than your girlDisadvantagesa. She'll always come crying to you about the problems with her man. b. She'll get you caught up and then leave you anyway for her man.c. If you piss her off she'll get her man to come beat your ass. d. She'll unofficially make you her man once she gets pissed off at her real man. 11. Ms. Tease Advantages a. She's tempting and a nice piece of eye candy. b. She's intelligent, athletic, respectable and SEXXXXXXY.c. She knows how to turn you on without touching you. d. Everything she does is just so sensual.e. She can bring you to that point and make you wait to get it. f. Every time you see her you catch a mini orgasm.g. Every kat wants her cause she's so mysterious and that makes you want to get her first. Disadvantagesa. NO matter what you think or do you never get it.b. She probably has a long distance boyfriend somewhere that you will never know about.c. She gets you hard and leaves you like that. (Unbearable) 12. MRS. RIGHTAdvantages a. She is not sexy, fine, or a dyme but she is BEAUTIFUL and therefore encompasses all of these descriptions.b. She is intelligent, sassy, funny, outgoing, determined, strong and classy. c. She can cook or at least order a meal that is just like your mother's.d. Her personality is just as beautiful as her body.e. She believes in God and follows his virtues.f. She knows that a relationship requires a 200% quota yet she gives her man an extra 10%. g. She can please her man in anyway. Mentally, Spiritually, and Sexually.h. She makes you recognize your full potential as a man and completes you. i. She's always there for, no matter what your dreams are.j. She's not afraid to tell you the truth and set you straight. k. You can talk to her and confide in her, she's your best friend.l. You love being around her more than your boys. m. You can share your most intimate moments with her without sex.n. You can have a bad argument with her and then have the BEST Mind Numbing and passionate love making fest ever. o. She's always willing to find a way to work out your problems and will often take most of your shit. But she's also intelligent enough to leave. p. She's nothing like any other girls you've met. She's your woman. THE RIGHT ONEq. She may cheat you, but will be careful enough not to let you find out even if she finds out about your affairs.Disadvantage: You've probably met her, or had her in your life but got too consumed with 1-11 that you let her go So which one is your girl - or which one are you, girl? Men, you'll find there's one girl who's most of these types and you just don't know which category to place her!! If you have her keep her, if you've let her go, get her back, and if you let her go and can't find her, consider your self unlucky!!